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Dear Valerie

In the poorly lit waiting room, Valerie dear,

Of the 9th precinct, down in the basement,

The last words you’d spoken still ring in my ear,

As I give the policeman my statement.

If only you’d played a bit harder to get,

This fell tragedy, we’d have averted.

Waxing appetites whet, we’d not had dinner yet,

And “Go down on me. Now.” you asserted.

Ah, yodeling deep in your gully, my mind

Drifted back to the last time I’d eaten.

That stale Peanut Chew in the ashtray defined,

For me, such a delectable treat then.

Then ‘round my head, feeling your quaking thighs tighten,

Twixt nethers so gently, I pulsed.

“So far, so good,” thought I, my sense of pride heightened,

I loved how you thrashed and convulsed.

But when next I glanced up, I was puzzled to see you

Assailing yourself with an Epi-Pen.

‘Twas precisely that instance, beloved, I knew

How the both of us teemed with adrenaline.

Resolute, I returned to the task I had started,

Urged on by your whooping and wailing,

“Don’t stop!” the choked, swollen command you imparted,

Deciphered though seizing and flailing.

Wearied, I watched as your windpipe constricted.

Oh, would that I could have been, Valerie,

More considerate of (just a lick) those afflicted

With clearly severe peanut allergies.



About abuttercup

I have always had a great respect and admiration for Kermit the Frog.

One response to “Dear Valerie

  1. Vincent Tappan ⋅

    With a peanut or tree nut allergy, even a tiny amount may cause an allergic reaction in some people. Some places you find nuts, like nut butters and nut breads, are not surprising. Others — like sauces and gravies — may be.`

    Take a look at the newest article at our online site

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